The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Well, today is my first full day in Ohio and my first day of realizing I have to live the rest of my life without Mary Ann. This was my crash day. Slept late; played on the computer; decided to bank at BMI; ate lunch at Panera; went to Garden Ridge and bought a few things; surfed for a job (found several great possibilities); and took Jen and Steve out to dinner at Jed's Fireballs and Brew. 

Tomorrow I plan to open my checking and savings accounts and start unpacking. Oh yeah ---- I opened up the stuff I ordered for the condo. I'm doing my kitchen in red and bought new dishes, cookware; coffee pot; kettle; toaster; and silver ware. Also bought stuff for the bedroom ----sheets, blankets, and a new comforter.

I think today has been the hardest day yet. I haven't really had anything to think about but being without Mary Ann. I suddenly am overcome by these intense feelings of sadness and burst into tears. Tonight I wanted so badly to call her just to hear her voice, but I know that is not a good idea. It's good to have family and friends close by and to get lots of love and hugs. I am cursed by all the "if only's" banging around in my brain. I know this is for the best but why does it have to hurt so badly?

Had a good long talk with my dear friend Beverly and a facebook chat with Katie. Melissa and Mary Mac are on vacation, but I left a message telling them to call when they get back so we can get together. Need to call Jackie to and catch up. Anyway---I will keep on keeping on as Betty said. I know that each day will be a little bit easier, but I wish things could have turned out differently. Catch you again on the flip side.

God bless and sleep tight.